If you’ve had challenging relationships before, past fears may come back to haunt you, even when the right person comes along. Experiencing a lack of emotional safety can rewire your brain to stay alert to threats, even in healthy dynamics.
Factors such as your attachment style, shaped by early relationships and past experiences, can also explain why you may respond with fear to a new relationship. It can be difficult to discern if you’re with the right person, but you’ll likely feel the difference compared to prior relationships.
For instance, if you’re anxiously attached, you may find your worries finally quiet down in a secure relationship. If you’re more avoidantly attached, intimacy may feel less threatening and more manageable.
Here are three signs to know for sure that you’re in a healthy, loving relationship.
1. You Don’t Second-Guess Their Love
When you’re with the right person, the question, “Does this person really love me?” rarely pops into your mind. You’re not left overthinking texts or analyzing every interaction. You don’t feel constantly judged, criticized or uneasy.
There are no games where your loyalties are tested, no pressure to prove your worth, no chasing after affection just to feel seen. With the right person, you feel certain and secure. There’s no “fixing” each other, just a grounded presence as you both figure things out and evolve as a unit.
Additionally, you’ll find that you can be yourself; the way you are around your closest friends and family, and feel appreciated for it.
In fact, a 2023 study published in the European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education found that those in stable, intimate relationships tend to experience higher psychological well-being and have a better response to stress.
Researchers suggest that in secure relationships, individuals experience higher levels of trust in the emotional availability and accessibility of their partners. They know they can rely on them to consistently offer safety, especially in times of adversity.
Researchers also found that the more stable a relationship is, the lower the need for approval in it. So, in the right relationship, there’s no second-guessing yourself or your partner because they’re showing up consistently, and accepting you as you are.
2. The Relationship Feels Easy In The Right Ways
If you’ve heard that love should feel “effortless,” it doesn’t mean that you don’t put in the work. It means the connection flows naturally and evolves even after the initial excitement fades, because you both actively contribute to keeping the spark alive.
Disagreements may happen, but in the right connection, they don’t mean that things are going to fall apart. They become an opportunity to learn more about each other, practice repair and come back with an even deeper connection than before.
In such a relationship, you’ll be able to express your concerns and have them addressed, rather than getting stuck in arguments that only escalate and go nowhere.
Being with the right person doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes perfect or easy, but it’ll often feel easier to navigate with them by your side. The relationship itself won’t be a source of anxiety, self-doubt or instability. There’s no stress about where you stand with your partner, because it feels like you’re on the same team, facing life together.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, high-quality relationships have a core component: “Perceived partner responsiveness.” This refers to feeling as though your partner truly:
- Understands you. They “get” your emotions, needs and how you want to live your life. You feel heard when you share your thoughts and feelings with them.
- Values you. You feel valued for who you are, rather than what you can do for them.
- Supports you. Your partner supports you, encourages you and assists you when needed.
- Validates you. They affirm your feelings and thoughts, never making you feel small for having them. You feel seen, rather than dismissed.
- Cares about your well-being. They show support for your growth and happiness, engaging in acts of service rather than focusing solely on their own desires.
Researchers discovered that when one person displays such compassionate intent, it also encourages the other person to be more responsive to them, leading to both people helping each other flourish.
So, the right person does not complicate life. They simplify and enhance it. They care about your needs, help you get closer to your dreams and remind you that you’re not alone in the process.
3. You Grow Together, Not Away From Yourself
In the right relationship, you’re allowed — and actively encouraged — to thrive. Your partner doesn’t require you to sacrifice parts of who you are to fit into anyone else’s narrative. They’re present for your growth while also being reflective and proactive about their own.
In a 2021 study published in Family Process, researchers developed the Couple Flourishing Measure, a scale designed to capture the dynamic, intentional and emotionally rich qualities that define truly flourishing couples.
Researchers found that flourishing couples don’t just feel good together; they grow together. Specifically, they identified that flourishing relationships are characterized by:
- Hedonic well-being. This involves experiencing positive emotions, emotional closeness, satisfaction and warmth in the relationship.
- Eudaimonic well-being. This involves personal growth, partner compassion and creating shared meaning, where the relationship inspires and supports each partner’s development and shared purpose.
In such a relationship, you’ll no longer question, “Will we last forever?” or “Are they good for me?” Instead, you’ll consider, “What can we do to thrive in this life together?”
Still wondering if you’re with the right person? Take this science-backed test to learn whether your relationship is truly helping you flourish: Flourishing Measure.
