From the moment they’re born until the day they leave the house, we strive to make sure our children lead meaningful lives. There’s much to do to ensure this while they’re under your roof, but less so once they leave. Once out of the house, we can only watch from afar—and check in occasionally—as they enter and navigate the world of adulthood.
While witnessing them thrive is immensely rewarding, seeing them stumble and fall can be incredibly hard to watch. However, as you may already know from your own adulthood journey, not all struggles are visible to the untrained eye. Often, the battles of early adulthood are fought silently and alone—and not without difficulty.
Here are three signs that your adult child might be fighting a battle you’re unaware of, and what you can do to support them.
1. Drastic Behavioral Or Emotional Changes
One of the greatest signs of a hidden struggle is change—in any direction, and in any part of their life. Unfortunately, this can manifest in a variety of ways, and it isn’t always radical enough to notice right away. That said, over time, these changes can become detectable:
- Social withdrawal. If you know your child to be sociable and open, and you consider yourself close to them, a strong warning sign is withdrawal or isolation. They may skip out on family gatherings, rarely return your texts, ignore your calls or limit contact altogether. Similarly, if they’re generally cheerful or upbeat, a sudden switch to a more reserved, irritable or flat demeanor could also be a sign of depression.
- Impulsivity. While it may seem par for the course for an adult child to reap the benefits of free will, excessive impulsivity is never a good sign. This could manifest as reckless increases in drinking, spending, substance use or casual sex—to the extent that it seems out of character or even dangerous.
- Unenthusiasm. Perhaps the most telling sign of a hidden struggle is a sudden, inexplicable lack of enthusiasm for things that once brought them joy. They may abandon their once-loved hobbies, interests or even their friends—in favor of more alone time, sleep or even just sitting around listlessly.
As 2014 research from The Lancet Psychiatry explains, emerging adulthood is characterized by drastic change. Instability in terms of work and relationships is incredibly common, as is an increase in self-focus. Most notably, however, is a sense of being “in-between” life stages—a limbo of sorts. No longer a teen, but not really a “proper” adult either.
When experienced all at once, these features can further shake an emerging adult’s already feeble sense of stability. It can feel as though the only way to cope with all these changes is to adapt and change along with them—sometimes, unknowingly, for the worse.
Additionally, the thought of asking for help can be daunting, as these are struggles that are viewed as normal for adulthood—things that everyone experiences, that they just have to tough out. While they certainly are normal, they’re not struggles that they should have to face alone or without support.
If your child is displaying any of these signs, gentleness is your best option for supporting them. Instead disregarding their behavior as a consequence of living in the “real world,” show them the empathy you’d have liked to receive when you were in their shoes. A gentle, “You’ve seemed out of sorts lately. Is anything on your mind?” can make a world of difference for them.
If their changes seem extreme, then it may be better to offer them more practical support—like offering to find them a therapist, strongly encouraging self-care or reminding them that you’re always there if they need advice. Most importantly, avoid condescension at all costs. They likely already feel a bit defeated; you must not contribute to this.
2. Issues With Their Career, Finances And Responsibilities
For many young adults, the transition to financial and professional independence is anything but smooth. If your child is struggling in these areas, they may not always tell you outright—but their behavior may offer clues:
- Work struggles. If your child frequently complains about work but isn’t taking steps to find a new job—or they bounce between jobs without clear direction—they may be feeling stuck or overwhelmed. Alternatively, if they’re suddenly uninterested in their career goals or seem to have lost ambition, it may indicate burnout, disillusionment or even depression.
- Financial instability. Are they frequently short on money despite having a stable income? Are they accumulating debt, borrowing money often or avoiding financial conversations altogether? While some financial hiccups are normal in early adulthood, ongoing instability could signal deeper struggles with budgeting, impulsivity or even financial anxiety.
- Neglecting responsibilities. If their once-tidy living space has turned chaotic—or they’re struggling to keep up with daily tasks like paying bills, responding to emails or even basic self-care—they may be feeling overwhelmed. A consistently messy or neglected environment is often a reflection of internal distress.
These struggles generally stem from a mix of external pressures, coupled with constant self-doubt and confusion, according to 2016 research. The job market can be tough, financial independence is daunting and the weight of responsibility can feel crushing—especially for young adults still figuring out how to manage it all. Sadly, they may also avoid addressing these challenges out of embarrassment—or out of fear of disappointing you.
Rather than criticizing their choices or pushing them to “just figure it out,” approaching them with patience and support is crucial. Avoid expressing frustration or disappointment at their inability to “get it together.”
Instead, try something like, “I know managing work and money can be really stressful—how are you feeling about things lately?” This opens the door for honest conversation, without making them feel judged.
If they’re struggling with financial management, offer to help them create a budget or recommend resources without taking over their responsibilities—as opposed to rescuing them yourself with hefty donations or loans. If they’re unhappy at work, ask what their ideal career path looks like and brainstorm small, realistic steps to help them move forward.
If they seem genuinely overwhelmed, it may be better to encourage them to seek professional help—like financial counseling, career coaching or therapy. Most importantly, remind them that struggling doesn’t mean failure; it’s just one hard but necessary part of the learning curve of adulthood.
3. Minimal Plans For The Future
A lack of future plans might not always seem like an immediate red flag for a young adult. That said, if your child seems completely uninterested in setting goals, making commitments or thinking ahead, it could be a sign that they’re feeling lost, unmotivated or even hopeless.
Here are some signs to watch out for.
- They avoid discussions about the future. If they brush off questions about career goals, relationships or long-term plans with vague or dismissive answers, they might be struggling with direction.
- They’ve stopped setting goals. If they once had aspirations—such as traveling, a specific career path or furthering their education—but now show little to no enthusiasm for any of it, something deeper may be at play.
- They hesitate to take next steps. If they’re reluctant to move out, apply for new jobs or make any big decisions, they may be stuck in a cycle of uncertainty and avoidance.
As research from Emerging Adulthood suggests, the pressure to “figure it all out” can be paralyzing; ignoring the ticking clock feels much freer and less stressful. Combined with the ever-present self-doubt and fear of failure, they may be completely put off making any major decisions. Economic uncertainty, mental health struggles or even a lack of confidence in their own abilities can all contribute to this sense of stagnation.
To support them, first and foremost, avoid pushing them too hard—pressure or ultimatums can often make them shut down even more. Instead, try a more understanding approach: “Thinking about the future can be overwhelming, even for me. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more confident about your next steps?”
While therapy or counselling is always a good option in this case, a parent’s love and encouragement will often trump a stranger’s opinion when it comes to such personal considerations and pursuits.
Most importantly, remind them that they don’t need to have everything figured out right away. The path to adulthood is never a straight line, and setbacks are inevitable. No matter where they are in the process, make sure they never forget that they can lean on you for support. They may be grown up, but they’ll always be your child; remind them that support doesn’t just end once they turn 18.
Struggling to empathize with your child? Take this science-backed test, and find out if you’re facing “parental burnout:” Parental Burnout Assessment
