If you’ve ever been guilty of treating romance as your ultimate goal in life, you’re not alone. Too often, being happily single is demonized while being romantically involved is put on a pedestal.
Societal conditioning can make us believe that our relationship with our partners is the most important one we’ll ever have, which in turn makes us devote significant amounts of time and energy to these connections.
Unfortunately, this conditioning can also make us treat cherished friends as placeholders until we’ve found “the one,” only to stop prioritizing them as much when we meet someone new.
Entering a romantic relationship can be exciting and full of novelty, but it often brings significant shifts in social dynamics. One of the most common challenges is learning how to balance a new relationship with existing friendships, without making either party feel unimportant.
When we become consumed by the thrill of romance and only reach out to our friends to talk about our significant other, they may start to feel used. We might stop planning outings with them, call them less than before and start to experience a subtle emotional distance, no matter how unintentional.
However, our friendships, like our romantic connections, deserve intention. They deserve time, energy and consistent effort, and most of all, to never be taken for granted.
It’s entirely possible to nurture meaningful friendships while allowing a romantic connection to flourish. Here are three ways to strike this balance.
1. Communicate Honestly And Be Intentional With Your Time
When people experience significant life transitions such as entering a romantic relationship, they allocate their time and energy to relationships differently. One common shift is the tendency to deprioritize friendships once a romantic bond forms.
While it’s understandable that your time and social energy may become limited, side-lining friendships entirely can lead to social isolation, becoming overly reliant on your partner to fulfill your emotional needs and becoming an absent, unreliable friend to those you care for.
A 2015 study published in Human Nature found that friendships last longer when people actively put in the effort. Researchers found that for men, shared activities help maintain closeness. For women, consistent communication and meaningful conversations are more effective.
For instance, it’s essential to let your friends know about your changing availability while affirming their importance in your life. This helps maintain their trust and prevent emotional distance. Even simple statements like “I’ve been a bit caught up lately, but I’d love to catch up this week,” can go a long way in maintaining relational equity.
Of course, it’s not enough to mention wanting to stay connected. It’s equally important to follow through and be consistent. Whether that means setting a reminder to call them every week or having a standing meet-up you don’t compromise on, set aside time for them and commit to it.
While you may not be able to spend as much time with them as before, quality can make up for quantity. Even brief but meaningful interactions can preserve emotional closeness and keep friendships strong.
2. Reframe The Importance Of Friendships In Your Life
Friendships often reflect who we are outside of romantic relationships. Losing touch with them can mean losing parts of ourselves.
A 2018 study published in Sociological Research Online found that lasting female friendships are rarely treated as life goals, despite offering emotional depth and support. Lead author Maree Martinussen suggests that society promotes confidence and self-sufficiency but downplays the value of deep friendships, framing them as necessary, but always secondary to romantic or sexual partnerships.
This perspective causes us to sideline friendships while glamorizing romantic love. However, when we reflect on how friendships offer support, emotional strength, joy, a sense of community and belongingness, a space for personal growth, a space to be compassionate toward others and so much more, it reminds us that they’re invaluable.
Friendships that came before a romantic relationship are built on fulfilling emotional connections, shared values, history and interests, and they shouldn’t be lost just because you’re in love. Staying connected involves a significant mindset shift, reframing friendships as irreplaceable and constantly worth investing in.
3. Expand Your Emotional Support System
A single person cannot and should not support all our emotional needs. Emotional granularity, which refers to the ability to experience and distinguish a wide range of nuanced emotions, is best supported when different people fulfil different emotional needs in our lives.
While a romantic partner may offer intimacy and deep commitment, friends often provide crucial perspective, shared history and a sense of identity continuity.
A 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science exploring the concept of “emotionships” or emotion-based relationships sheds light on how people turn to different individuals depending on their emotional state. For instance, someone might reach out to one friend when feeling sad, another when anxious and a third when excited.
People instinctively associate different friends with different emotional needs. When experiencing a specific emotion, they’re more likely to think of and value the friend who typically helps them cope with or better experience that feeling.
Relying too much on one person can make it hard to tell where your emotions end and theirs begin. This is known as emotional enmeshment. However, having healthy, fulfilling friendships helps you stay grounded, manage your feelings and retain a healthy sense of individuality.
Having a diverse number of emotionships, rather than relying heavily on just one or two people, is also associated with greater emotional well-being. In fact, this diversity appears to be more beneficial than simply having a large number of close friends.
Your friends have stood by you for years. You’ve laughed, cried and beat boredom with them, grown with them and likely, because of them. So, remind yourself that love exists in multiple forms, and deserves to be nurtured, be it romantic or platonic.
Do you feel as connected to your friends as you do your romantic partner? Take this science-backed test to find out: Social Connectedness Scale
