When Sex and The City protagonist Carrie Bradshaw quipped, “I’m not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown,” it wasn’t just a throwaway line—it reflects a widespread misconception that continues to invalidate bisexual identities to this day. It’s a reminder of how even beloved pop-culture icons can reinforce harmful stereotypes, making it harder for bisexual people to be seen and understood.
Comments like these are examples of bisexual “erasure” or invisibility — where bisexuality is ignored, dismissed or denied. This can leave bisexual people feeling unseen and invalidated in both heterosexual and queer spaces. Even with growing awareness of diverse sexual orientations, deep-rooted psychological and societal biases continue to fuel misunderstandings about bisexuality.
Here are four reasons why it’s difficult for bisexual individuals to gain the acceptance they deserve, and how it impacts their mental health.
1. The Binary Bias
One of the biggest reasons behind bisexual erasure is society’s preference for binary thinking. People are conditioned to categorize things into clear-cut groups—male/female, right/wrong, gay/straight. Bisexuality challenges this binary structure, making it harder for some to process and accept nuances in their preconceived categories of sexuality.
Social identity theory may help explain why this happens. People naturally categorize others into distinct groups, like gay or straight, and struggle with identities that blur these lines. Because bisexuality challenges rigid categories, it’s often invalidated or overlooked.
When some people encounter bisexuality, they may experience cognitive dissonance, a psychological discomfort that arises when they reflect on information that contradicts their existing beliefs.
For many, it may be easier to dismiss bisexuality altogether, assuming they are either straight or gay depending on their current partner. This oversimplification allows people to maintain their binary worldview, but at the cost of erasing bisexual identities.
This can leave bisexual individuals feeling alienated, invalidated and sometimes even uncertain about their identity and as they struggle to find acceptance in both straight and gay communities.
2. The ‘Straight-Passing’ Dilemma
Bisexual individuals often face erasure based on their current relationship. If a bisexual person is dating someone of a different gender, people assume they are straight. If they are in a same-gender relationship, people assume them to be gay. This leads to the invalidation of bisexual identity.
A major contributor to this issue is the widespread confusion between attraction and behavior. Many people assume that sexual orientation is defined solely by one’s current romantic or sexual relationships, rather than their broader capacity for attraction. This narrow view reinforces the misconception that bisexuality is not a legitimate or enduring identity, but rather a temporary or transitional phase.
Research highlights how deeply ingrained these biases are. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Bisexuality found that people often set the bar to “qualify” as bisexual so high that it is nearly impossible to meet the standard.
When participants in the study were given situational questions, they overwhelmingly preferred to classify individuals as heterosexual unless there was explicit evidence to the contrary. This tendency to default to heterosexuality until “proven” otherwise further marginalizes bisexual individuals and dismisses their identities.
Additionally, many individuals also hesitate to date bisexual people due to unfounded fears of infidelity, forcing bisexual individuals to constantly justify their identity based on their current or past partners. In reality, cheating isn’t linked to having a “bigger dating pool.”
This ongoing scrutiny reinforces the harmful narrative that bisexuality is fleeting or indecisive. By failing to recognize the complexity and validity of bisexual experiences, society perpetuates a cycle of invisibility and invalidation, leaving bisexual individuals to navigate a world that often refuses to see them for who they truly are.
3. Skewed Media Representation
Media shapes societal beliefs, yet bisexuality is often misrepresented or ignored. Bisexual characters are frequently shown as promiscuous, deceptive or “choosing a side” by settling into a monosexual relationship.
For example, Piper Chapman from Orange Is the New Black is often seen as either straight or lesbian, despite her clear bisexuality. This reinforces the false idea that bisexuality is just a phase, not a valid orientation.
A 2020 study on bisexual erasure published in the Journal of Bisexuality analyzed three characters: Miriam and Sarah from The Hunger (1983) and Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997–2003). Researchers found that they are often labeled as lesbians, despite their attraction to both men and women. This distortion reduces bisexuality to a plot device or sign of deviance, reinforcing societal biases.
On the other hand, Rosa Diaz’s character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine offers a more realistic, though bittersweet, representation. Her journey of coming out as bisexual was handled with nuance, highlighting the challenges many face, particularly with family acceptance.
In one poignant storyline, Rosa struggles with her parents’ initial lack of understanding, a moment made even more impactful by her typically stoic demeanor. This portrayal reflects real-life struggles and adds depth to her character, showing the importance of authentic representation in the media.
4. Dismissive Language Around Bisexuality
Imagine coming out as bisexual, only to hear, “Oh, you’re just confused,” or “You’ll pick a side eventually.” These phrases dismiss bisexuality as a temporary phase rather than a valid identity.
When someone repeatedly encounters this kind of language, it can make them question their own experiences or feel pressured to identify as either gay or straight to be taken seriously.
This erasure is connected to how we frame words to shape our understanding of reality. Common phrases like “experimenting” or “gay for you” also frame bisexuality as a stepping stone rather than a legitimate orientation. Even well-meaning people sometimes reinforce this by treating bisexuality as a less “real” identity compared to being gay or straight.
The Cost Of Erasure
Bisexual erasure can be distressing for many who identify as such. Individuals who experience societal invalidation may face higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression. Bisexual people often feel excluded from both the heterosexual and LGBTQ+ communities, leading to a sense of isolation.
Coming to terms with your bisexuality can be challenging, but sharing it with others may be even harder due to varying levels of acceptance. Regardless of the response, remember that it’s important to be true to yourself, and you are always “bisexual enough.”
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