Within the last few decades, statistics have showed a noticeable global decrease in marriages. Increasingly, people are viewing marriage as an outdated custom, which accounts for this downward trend. Today, many take on a binary perspective regarding marriage: either one commits to a traditional, lifelong marriage, or they see no value in it whatsoever.
As society embraces modernity, traditional marriage loses its significance as a cornerstone of societal norms. However, The New “I Do”—a self-help novel written by psychologist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson—highlights how the landscape of marriage is rapidly outgrowing its traditional mold. With seven different forms of marriage, their research outlines how contemporary marriages can now accommodate the diverse realities of modern relationships.
1. Starter Marriages
Starter marriages, typically short-lived in nature, serve as a learning experience to understand what partners want and need in a long-term partnership. These marriages offer individuals an opportunity to explore the dynamics of marriage without the expectation of it lasting forever, providing valuable insights for future relationships.
They are often characterized by a sense of adventure and exploration as couples navigate the challenges of married life together. While the marriage may not endure, the experiences gained from it can contribute to personal growth and development. This kind of marriage can benefit couples who are open to learning about themselves and their partners, allowing them to make more informed decisions about their future relationships.
2. Companionship Marriage
Companionship marriages are focused on building a deep emotional bond and enjoying each other’s company, rather than prioritizing romantic love. These marriages often involve couples who have been together for a long time and have grown comfortable with each other’s presence, even if the initial spark of romance has faded.
These couples prioritize friendship and emotional connection, instilling a sense of stability and security in the relationship. While they may not experience intense romantic feelings, they find fulfillment in the companionship and support they provide each other. This arrangement is perfect for creating a safe space for couples to be themselves and enjoy the friendship they share, without the burden of keeping romance alive.
3. Parenting marriage
Parenting marriages are ideal for couples dedicated to co-parenting, as these partnerships exist for the sake of cooperation and mutual support. In these marriages, the romantic relationship between the partners may have evolved or diminished, but they choose to remain committed to providing a stable and nurturing environment for their children.
These couples prioritize the needs of their children above their own, setting aside differences and conflicts for the sake of co-parenting. While the romantic connection between the partners may have changed, they maintain a strong commitment to supporting each other as parents. This kind of marriage is perfect for those who are committed to providing a sense of security and consistency for their children. Parenting marriages allow couples to focus on the common goal of raising happy and healthy children who can benefit from having both parents actively involved in their lives.
4. Safety Marriage
Safety marriages are often entered into for strategic or practical reasons, such as financial security, social status or legal benefits. In these marriages, couples may prioritize stability and security over romance, choosing each other for practical reasons rather than intense emotional connection.
These couples may share common goals or interests that align with their desire for stability and security. They may enter into the marriage with clear expectations and agreements regarding their mutual benefits and responsibilities. While the relationship may lack the intense emotional connection found in traditional romantic partnerships, safety marriages offer a sense of security and predictability in an uncertain world, allowing both partners to prioritize their practical needs and goals.
5. Living-Apart-Together Marriage
Living-apart-together (LAT) marriages involve partners maintaining separate households while remaining emotionally connected and committed to each other. In these marriages, couples prioritize individual freedom and autonomy while also nurturing their relationship.
In an LAT marriage, partners can enjoy the benefits of companionship, emotional support and shared experiences while also maintaining their own living spaces and independence. They may have separate homes for practical reasons, such as career opportunities, personal preferences or family obligations. Despite living apart, couples in LAT marriages often prioritize quality time together, finding creative ways to nurture emotional connection and intimacy.
6. Open Marriage
Open marriages are ideal for couples who value sexual exploration and variety alongside emotional intimacy. These marriages involve partners agreeing to allow each other to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with other people outside of the primary partnership.
Trust, communication, and mutual consent are key pillars in open marriages, allowing for sexual and romantic freedom for both partners. Couples in open marriages are able to explore their desires and preferences while still prioritizing their emotional connection and commitment to each other. This arrangement offers a non-traditional approach, providing couples with the opportunity to enrich their relationship through a shared desire for consensual non-monogamy.
7. Covenant marriage
Covenant marriages involve more legal requirements and restrictions than those of traditional marriages, emphasizing commitment and longevity. Couples entering into a covenant marriage often undergo pre-marital counseling and agree to limited grounds for divorce.
This type of marriage benefits couples who strongly value commitment and are willing to invest in their relationship through counseling and support services. Offering a highly structured approach to partnership, covenant marriages encourage couples to preserve the sanctity of their marriage by working through challenges for the long term from early on.
The vast array of alternative marriage arrangements that are emerging cater to a wide range of couples—including those who may not fit the conventional mold. These evolving forms of marriage offer flexibility and customization, allowing couples to design partnerships that better suit their needs and preferences.
Do you think your partnership might need a change? Take the Marital Satisfaction Scale to gain clarity.
