Conversation is the backbone of any good relationship. Without it, we can’t connect, inform, relate or even communicate in any truly meaningful way. Asking questions is a particularly important part of this. It helps us to show that we care, that we’re interested and that we want to learn more — and, most importantly, that we’re listening to what the other person has to say.
This is what makes “boomerasking,” a new conversational trend, so especially frustrating. As outlined in a 2025 study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, the term refers to the tendency to ask someone else a question solely for the purpose of answering it yourself.
Here’s what it looks like in practice, and why it can be so damaging to conversation dynamics.
What Is ‘Boomerasking’?
Contrary to what you might think, boomerasking has nothing to do with the Baby Boomer generation; just about anyone can be guilty of it. Rather, it’s a reference to boomerangs.
Boomerasking begins with person one asking person two a question. For instance, person one asks, “What’d you get up to this weekend?” Person two answers, “Oh, not much.” Before being asked in return by person two, or even acknowledging their response at all, person one immediately jumps in to answer their same initial question themselves. For example, they say, “Mine was amazing!” and then begin rattling off all the lovely things they did.
The authors of the 2025 study, Alison Wood Brooks and Michael Yeomans, explain the process simply: “The boomerask starts with someone asking a question, but — like a boomerang — the question returns quickly to its source.”
Overall, Brooks and Yeomans outline three particular types of boomerasking:
- Ask-bragging. When someone asks a question and then follows up by disclosing something positive about themselves. For instance, asking what person two’s plans are for the festive period, only to brag about the amazing vacation they have planned.
- Ask-complaining. When someone asks a question, then follows up by disclosing something negative. For example, asking what person two’s schedule looks like for the day, in order to tell them about the awful doctor’s visit they have to go to later.
- Ask-sharing. Asking a question, and then disclosing something neutral. Say, asking person two about their night, only so they get a chance to share the weird dream they had last night.
Importantly, in not one of these instances does person one engage with person two’s answer in any way, shape or form. Instead, their initial question serves only as an opportunity to center the conversation around themselves, or whatever it is they want to say.
What Makes ‘Boomerasking’ So Annoying
We spend a lot more time throughout our days in conversation than we consciously realize — and for good reasons, too. Talking is how we learn, connect, teach, flirt, bond, persuade and entertain. Every exchange involves countless, tiny decisions that will actively shape the tone and direction of a conversation; we must carefully choose what to say and how to say it and, of course, what to ask and how to ask it.
Questions, as the 2025 study notes, serve both especially important functional and personal roles within a conversation. Functionally, we ask questions to learn either about a topic, or about the person we’re speaking with. And personally, we ask questions to display our better traits: our warmth, curiosity, care.
A question will very rarely serve a solely functional purpose, unless you’re asking a stranger for the time or a barista what milk alternatives are available. Instead, more often than not, questions are used as a form of social glue.
Asking and answering are both vital to the rhythm of conversation. They turn what may as well be two overlapping monologues into a true dialogue. In this sense, when you ask questions as well as engage with those responses in good faith, you’re establishing a zone of safety and interest.
Boomerasking, however, breaks this rhythm entirely. It’s the conversational equivalent of a bait-and-switch: one person invites connection and, in the same breath, redirects it inward very abruptly. Although the person on the receiving end might not consciously register selfishness of this tactic if it’s a one-time offence, they’re still likely to walk away feeling as though the conversation was pointless. Because, after all, their presence was merely a prompt for the other’s story.
That said, if someone becomes known for repeatedly boomerasking, it may become somewhat tiring to try and establish a rapport with them. A conversation with them is more than likely to feel one-sided at best, and altogether performative at worst. Their consistent boomerasking will eventually make the listener feel as though their role in any conversation is purely to set the boomerasker up.
In this sense, there are very few things that can drain the joy from a conversation more quickly than the realization that your words are just a springboard for someone else’s.
How To Be A Better Conversation Partner
The antidote to boomerasking isn’t complicated at all. All it requires is self-awareness:
- Ask questions you actually want the answers to. Don’t bother asking a question if you’re not asking it for the right reason. Are you genuinely curious about the answer? Or are you just using it to speed up how long it takes for it to be your turn to talk? Curiosity-driven questions are what lead to deeper and more reciprocal exchanges.
- Listen for the sake of listening, not responding. You might think that the most impressive, intellectual conversationalists are the ones who seemingly always have something witty or insightful to chip in. But, in reality, they’re the ones who know when not to speak. They know when exactly to let silence or the other person’s story breathe.
- Follow up thoughtfully. Follow-up questions are one of many great ways to show that you genuinely heard and processed what the other person said. Of course, it doesn’t have to be profound, and you don’t have to ask if the answer doesn’t warrant one, or interest you. Regardless, even a small “Oh, really? How did that go?” can help you keep the conversational energy flowing outward, instead of inward.
- Be honest when you have something you’re dying to share. If there’s something you really want to talk about, then say so directly and authentically. “Can I tell you something funny that happened to me today?” is infinitely better than pretending to ask a disingenuous question just so that you can steer the conversation your way. People appreciate sincerity far more than being self-centering.
And finally, it’s worth remembering that most of us are guilty of the odd boomerask now and then. Sometimes we’re just so excited, or a little too wrapped up in our own stories, that we forget our manners. That doesn’t make us inherently rude or unlikeable; it’s just conversationally clumsy.
That said, consistently taking an egocentric approach to conversation will lose you friends very quickly. Because at the end of the day, we start conversations for the sake of kindness and reciprocity — two things that boomerasking lacks entirely.
Listening is one of the single most important skills that goes into being a good conversation partner. Take this science-backed test to find out how good of a listener you are: Active Empathic Listening Scale
