Romantic relationships are viewed almost universally as one of the most important milestones in life, which all people should achieve at some point or another. For some, this is a great motivator; for others, this instills a sense of pressure.
That said, not all people pursue romantic relationships for this reason alone. There’s even a growing population of individuals who aren’t inclined to search for a partner at all.
These differing motivations (or lack thereof) were researcher and lead author Geoff MacDonald’s main inspiration in a May 2025 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. More specifically, he sought to uncover which motivations were associated with greater and faster romantic success — if any at all.
The Different Motivations For Romantic Pursuit
To assess what motivates individuals in their pursuit for a relationship, MacDonald developed a 24-item questionnaire. In total, the measure assesses six core categories of motivation, all of which stem from Self-Determination Theory.
In the initial study of over 1,200 single adults, MacDonald and his team were able to associate these different motivations with a host of personality traits:
- Intrinsic motivation. Pursuing a relationship simply because it feels enjoyable, meaningful or fulfilling. These individuals seek a partner because they genuinely love connecting and sharing their life with someone else. The study showed these individuals to have secure attachment styles and stronger social goals, as well as a greater interest in committed relationships (versus casual ones).
- Identified motivation. Pursuing a relationship because it strongly aligns with one’s life goals and personal values. In most cases, these individuals seek a partner due to how highly they value the ideals of companionship and family. These individuals had similar attachments, goals and romantic interests to those of intrinsically motivated people.
- Positive introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship in order to feel proud of oneself, more competent or even validated. These individuals might seek a partner for the sake of feeling admired or accomplished for simply having one. The study found these individuals to be more prone to anxious attachment styles, as well as the fear of being single.
- Negative introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship in order to avoid feelings of guilt, shame or inadequacy. For these individuals, failing to find a partner equates to failure — or makes them fearful of judgment from others. Unsurprisingly, these individuals were also prone to the fear of being single, as well as anxious attachment styles.
- External motivation. Pursuing a relationship because others expect it of them, or for the promise of a reward. These individuals may seek a partner due to pressure from their families, or for the sake of having financial or social securities. They too were found to have anxious attachments and fears of singlehood.
- Amotivation. No clear desire (or reason) to pursue a relationship at all. These individuals may feel completely indifferent to the idea of finding a partner; they might go through the motions of dating, without ever really knowing why they’re doing it. The study noted that this lack of motivation was most commonly associated with avoidant attachment styles, as well as lesser interest in being seriously romantically involved with others.
“Self-Determination Theory was useful because it focuses on a variety of reasons people pursue goals,” explained MacDonald in an interview with PsyPost. He continued, “And I think most people know that there is some mix of these at play when they are thinking about dating.”
Based on this six-factor framework, MacDonald and his research team assessed the extent to which these motivations influenced individuals’ desire to find a partner. In turn, they were able to predict which of these motivations — or mixture thereof — led to success in finding a romantic relationship.
Which Motivations Led To Romantic Success
In the second half of the 2025 study, MacDonald and his co-authors assessed over 3,000 single adults’ motivations for finding a partner using their newly developed 24-item scale. Six months later, they checked in to see which of these participants were able to find a partner.
Overall, participants with intrinsic and identified motivations were much more likely to find a partner in the six-month timespan. That is, individuals who sought relationships because they viewed them as either enjoyable or personally valuable had more success than those who didn’t.
As MacDonald explained in his interview, “The people who both reported that they felt more ready for a relationship and were more likely to be partnered six months later were those who said they were interested in a relationship because they enjoy them and because it was an important life goal.”
In contrast, he explained, “The people who were more strongly motivated to be in a relationship to avoid feeling bad about themselves were particularly unlikely to be in a relationship six months later.”
What Motivates You?
If, despite your best efforts, you haven’t quite found your person yet, it might be worth taking a moment to ask yourself what’s actually driving your desire.
We’re told so often that finding love is a milestone we have to strive for. In turn, we’ve come to equate relationships as signals of maturity, security and even success. But the moment we internalize these reasonings is the moment we start chasing a relationship for reasons that don’t truly serve us in the grand scheme of life.
So, take a moment to be honest with yourself:
- Do you want a relationship because you think it will make you feel more worthy, accomplished or lovable?
- Would being partnered make you feel validated? Like you’ve finally “made it”?
- Do you feel ashamed or embarrassed for still being single, as though it says something about your value?
- Do you view a relationship as something that will please your family, help you fit in socially or offer you security?
If any of these questions resonate with you, you have no reason to feel ashamed. However, it should prompt you to pause and check in with yourself before continuing your search for love. In most cases, lasting and fulfilling relationships aren’t born out of place of pressure, fear or ego.
As MacDonald puts it, “It’s boring old wisdom, but I think there is something to the idea that you need to get right with yourself first before putting yourself out there.”
Continuing, he explains, “When you get to a place where a relationship seems like it would be enjoyable and meaningful for its own sake, and not so much about validating your ego, that might be a sign that you’re ready.”
Love is something that, for a majority of people, you simply have to learn to grow into; it’s not a title or status you have to earn or vie for. The more honest you are with yourself about why you want it, the sooner you’ll find a partner who sees the good in sharing their life with you.
Is the fear of being single sabotaging your search for love? Take this science-backed test to find out: Fear of Being Single Scale
