Have you ever been in a relationship that never quite went anywhere, but somehow managed to persist? Perhaps you did couple-like things — went on dates, spent quality time together, practiced intimacy — but never took the time or effort to actually define your relationship with a label, or let alone as exclusive.
These are what, today, are known as “situationships.” In a March 2024 study, lead researcher Michael R. Langlais defined and characterized these dynamics as having:
- No clarity or label in the same sense an exclusive romantic relationship would
- Low levels of commitment
- Yet similar amounts of affectionate behaviors, sexual behaviors and time spent together to that of exclusive romantic couples.
In a follow-up study in June of this year, published in Sexuality & Culture, Langlais and his fellow research team sought to uncover the reasons as to why individuals seek these half-romantic, half-noncommittal kinds of dynamics.
Why Individuals Stay In Unsatisfying ‘Situationships’
In the March 2024 study, Langlais and his team were ultimately able to deduce that situationships are, overall, significantly less satisfying and of lower quality than exclusive romantic relationships are. This begged the question: Why, if they’re generally so unsatisfying, do people allow them to continue?
In their 2025 study, by means of both a qualitative and quantitative study, the authors were able to uncover seven recurring themes in the participants’ responses — all of which contributed to their reasons for maintaining their situationships:
- Exclusivity. Many participants in situationships operated under the assumption that they’re exclusive, even though that conversation had never actually happened. Beliefs like these can lull you into a false sense of security: if you feel like you’re the “only one,” or want to believe that you are, it’s much easier to treat the dynamic as more serious than it actually is. This illusion of exclusivity can make the ambiguity feel bearable, or perhaps even preferable, to the perceived risk of starting over.
- Investment. The more resources (i.e. time, energy) participants invested in their situationships, the harder it became to walk away from them, regardless of whether or not these connections truly satisfied them. Since they’d invested hours upon hours into nurturing the connection, planning meetups, maintaining communication and spending quality time together, the idea of leaving all that behind — with essentially nothing to show for it — felt like too much of a loss.
- Meeting of emotional needs. Even without a clear label or future plans, some participants genuinely felt emotionally supported within their situationship, or, at least to a degree. Even while those moments may have been inconsistent or fleeting, they were often just enough to justify staying.
- Future talk. One of the more surprising findings of the study was how both the presence and absence of future-oriented conversations could motivate someone to stay. For some, explicit talks about “eventually getting serious” created hope that the ambiguity might be temporary. But for others, the complete lack of these kinds of conversations actually managed to preserve their fantasy. The not-knowing left room for interpretation, imagination and the possibility that things could evolve, without the disappointment of a firm “no.”
- Effort. Beyond time, there’s also a good amount of emotional labor that goes into keeping a situationship afloat: staying emotionally available, initiating plans, staying interested and maintaining calm even when feeling completely uncertain. This emotional energy can be more exhausting than what most would give credit for. For many, this effort also feels like a waste to walk away from.
- Prioritization of the situationship. In many cases, participants actively rearranged their lives to prioritize their situationship. They carved out the time, turned down other romantic opportunities or even withheld emotional availability from potential partners. A sense of prioritization, even without explicit commitment, can make a situationship feel significantly more legitimate that it may actually be in reality.
- Trust. Participants may have come to trust their situationship partners — of course, not due to any promises, but likely due to patterns. Continued emotional and physical presence, even if not all too consistent, can be just enough to start viewing someone as reliable. This, in turn, can also be enough to convince someone that clarity and commitment may eventually be possible.
Even just one of these factors can make it tricky to find the motivation to abandon a situationship altogether. But, in many cases, individuals likely face a mixture of multiple (if not all) of these factors.
As Langlais explained in an interview with PsyPost, “We were expecting that some participants would be sexually motivated to maintain a situationship or because they had fears of committing towards the future.”
Continuing, he explained, “Instead, our data suggests that many people form situationships as a potential gateway to a traditional relationship, sort of like relationship purgatory — a place where people wait to see if they are ready and want to transition to an official relationship.”
Here are two reasons why, according to the 2025 study, these factors can leave you stuck in a long-term situationship that doesn’t truly serve you.
1. Investment Theory: The Sunk Cost Fallacy
As 2017 research from the Journal of Economic Psychology outlines, the sunk cost fallacy refers to the human tendency to keep investing in something simply because we’ve already put so much into it.
Even when our investments are no longer benefitting us, the logic of, “Well, I’ve already come this far, so I might as well keep going,” ultimately keeps us investing. This reasoning, in fairness, is both intuitive and logical at a glance. However, it’s this very same mindset that usually leaves us stuck in dead-end jobs, toxic friendships, poor financial situations and, of course, half-baked situationships.
Regardless, individuals are still inclined to disregard the idea of leaving by telling themselves, “We’ve been seeing each other for six months already,” or “I’ve invested so much energy into this, I can’t just leave now.”
But the uncomfortable truth is that the time and effort you’ve already spent is gone, no matter what. Staying won’t bring those resources back; staying can and probably will continue to drain you further if the connection isn’t reciprocal or meaningful.
If you’re debating whether or not to exit your situationship, there are some questions to ask yourself that can help you remove your sunk cost blinders. For instance, if you met this person for the first time today, would you actively choose this same dynamic again? If your friend told you that they were in the exact same situation, what would you tell them? Instead of worrying about what you’d lose by leaving, have you considered what you’d possibly gain?
Letting go of something unfulfilling is never a waste. Irrespective of what you’ve already spent on the situationship, choosing to leave could prove to be a much greater investment — except, this time, into your invaluable time, energy and emotional well-being.
2. Social Exchange Theory: Pros Vs. Cons
Social exchange theory, according to 2023 research from Frontiers in Psychology, suggests that individuals are likely to make relationship decisions based on their perceptions of the costs and rewards thereof. In other words, we’re more likely to stay in a relationship, even an unclear or unsatisfying one, if the pros seem to outweigh its cons.
Situationships, objectively, do offer an array of perks. You get occasional emotional intimacy, frequent physical intimacy, along with a plus-one to all your events and outings. These can feel like economical bonuses, but the cost of these comforts are also equally consequential.
No promise of clarity, security, future or even love takes a significant toll on your self-esteem and well-being; in time, you may start to falsely believe that you aren’t “enough” to deserve commitment.
If you’re questioning the longevity of your situationship, it’s definitely worth assessing whether it’s truly serving you, or if it ever really could. This is especially worthwhile if you’re someone who sees themselves getting married and building a stable life with a partner in the future.
Could you be settling for what’s easy right now, instead of what you truly want in the long run? And if so, do you still believe in the possibility of finding someone who wants the same things as you, without having to string you along before committing?
Choosing to walk away doesn’t mean that you didn’t care, or that you purely saw your situationship as a means for rewards and benefits. Rather, it means choosing to care about yourself, too. You deserve a relationship where love isn’t just occasional or implied, and you deserve to find it sooner rather than later.
Are your needs truly being met in your situationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Loneliness In Intimate Relationships Scale
