Are you in a relationship that makes you feel like you’re becoming the best version of yourself? Research published in Current Directions in Psychological Science suggests that just as Michelangelo’s hand carves beauty from stone, “close partners sculpt one another’s selves, shaping one another’s skills and traits and promoting versus inhibiting one another’s goal pursuits.” This is known as the Michelangelo phenomenon.
In such relationships, partners help each other evolve through supportive actions and positive affirmations, bringing each other closer to their ideal selves.
Here are two signs that your partner is helping you grow as a person, according to research.
1. You Feel Truly Supported
One of the clearest indicators of the Michelangelo phenomenon is a partner who is deeply and authentically supportive of your goals and dreams, wishing for you to thrive in every possible way.
A 2017 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that supportive relationships significantly contribute to personal growth. They offer emotional security, reduce anxiety and foster self-confidence, which enhances an individual’s belief in their abilities. This belief is foundational for growth, as it encourages partners to tackle new challenges and persist in their pursuits.
Researchers suggest that having a “secure base”—a trusted person who offers emotional refuge—encourages people to step out of their comfort zones, embrace personal growth and overcome setbacks more easily. Even a simple reminder that one has such a partner can be deeply motivating.
Researchers found that individuals who were even briefly reminded of a supportive partner were more likely to choose jobs that promoted personal growth over those that simply offered higher salaries. This suggests that the confidence boost from a supportive relationship can have far-reaching effects on our decisions and aspirations.
When your partner believes in you, it can profoundly impact your self-esteem and motivation. In relationships marked by the Michelangelo phenomenon, a partner’s support, pride, love and respect is a transformative force that reflects your best qualities back to you. When they celebrate your strengths and accomplishments, they help you internalize these positive aspects of yourself.
“Being married to (wife) is molding the person that I am and who I’m becoming. It’s helping me fulfill dreams and ambitions and goals, it’s giving me a deeper meaning of love, it’s given me a sense of achievement and a sense of encouragement,” says Dave, a participant from a 2015 study on how marriage impacts one’s sense of self.
Essentially, such partners see the best in you, reminding you that you are worthy of all that you desire. While it is crucial to do this for ourselves, this external support is invaluable.
2. You’re Becoming Who You Want To Be
Another powerful sign of the Michelangelo phenomenon is that you’re feeling closer to your ideal self. In some cases, people report feeling “more like themselves” in their relationships than they did before.
In fact, a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that becoming more aligned with our ideal selves in a relationship helps us feel more authentic, which contributes to our well-being. This journey toward authenticity can mean shedding old insecurities, gaining new perspectives and embracing traits and ambitions you may have left unexplored.
For instance, Becky, another participant from the 2015 study, describes being “quite defensive” as a person, before finding that her partner “just opened (her) up.” Over time, such relational support helps you feel safe to confront inner conflicts and transform limiting beliefs, creating space to thrive.
Relationships rooted in the Michelangelo phenomenon don’t necessarily create new personalities, but they reveal the fuller, richer dimensions of who we are and who we aspire to be.
“Being seen by the partner in a manner congruent with one’s ideal self becomes more important for relationship satisfaction with increasing age,” suggest researchers of a 2018 study on the Michelangelo phenomenon. Even as priorities shift with age, the drive for personal growth continues, supported by a relationship that fosters and appreciates these changes.
So, if your relationship offers unwavering support and helps you to feel like the person you’ve always wanted to be, consider it one of life’s gifts. Recognize it as an invitation to keep exploring your own potential and to nurture that same growth in your partner, so you can become the best versions of yourselves together.
Do you feel like your authentic self in relationships? Take this test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale
