Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person makes another doubt their own thoughts, feelings or reality. No one wants to go through it, and no one deserves it, yet many of us encounter it — multiple times at that. Gaslighting is always the fault of the perpetrator, but some on the receiving end might ask, “why me?”
Given its devastating effects on one’s relationships and mental health, it’s worth asking, is there something that makes some people more susceptible to gaslighting than others?
In a new study published this April in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers asked the same question — “Why are we willing to tolerate manipulation?” and found an answer — an addiction to love.
Love addiction is a compulsive need to be in love or in a relationship, often at the expense of one’s well-being. People who struggle with love addiction may feel anxious, empty or even panicked at the thought of being alone, and they may cling to relationships because being without love feels unbearable.
We all want to love and be loved, but when things go wrong, some find it harder to walk away than the rest. For some, love is too precious to lose, regardless of how unhealthy it might be.
Researchers found that higher levels of love addiction are associated with greater tolerance of gaslighting and manipulative behavior in relationships. They suggest that such a dependence on relationships may stem from having an insecure attachment style, which is associated with fears of rejection and abandonment, and a need for constant reassurance and validation.
“Love addiction may also lead them to reinterpret manipulative and even abusive behaviors as “stress” or “displays of love,” thus turning a blind eye to the harmful effects of these behaviors. This makes it more difficult for them to recognize manipulation, increasing the likelihood that they will be affected by gaslighting,” the researchers explain.
Here are the two primary reasons why an addiction to love can make us a magnet for gaslighting, according to the study.
1. You Feel You’ve Given Too Much To Walk Away
When someone is addicted to love, they devote themselves entirely to their relationships. They invest time, emotional energy, effort, money and in some cases, their entire identity into their love lives, and when they’ve given that much, walking away feels like a loss of everything they’ve invested so far.
Such individuals experience “loss aversion.” As humans, we’re wired to avoid losses more strongly than we seek gains. So, for someone with a love addiction, the fear of ending a relationship isn’t just about grieving love, but about trying not to feel like all that effort was for nothing. The deeper the emotional investment, the harder it becomes to leave, even when the relationship turns manipulative or harmful.
Researchers suggest that in the short-term, making sacrifices for the other person can improve relationships, and this improvement can encourage the giver to sacrifice even more. However, this dynamic soon takes a toll on the giver and makes them more susceptible to feelings of loss aversion, and in turn, more likely to tolerate mistreatment to avoid facing the emotional cost of leaving.
They may convince themselves that the relationship is still salvageable, that the manipulation isn’t that bad or that things will get better if they just try harder. Over time, this becomes a mechanism of self-compromise, where the person’s need to preserve the relationship outweighs their need to protect their own well-being.
As the researchers put it, “Love addiction initiates a cascade of relational compromises, which culminate in tolerance for gaslighting.”
In these cases, gaslighting can be rationalized or reframed. The person being gaslit may downplay or reinterpret what’s happening, not because they don’t see it, but because acknowledging the truth would mean facing the possibility that everything they’ve built is crumbling.
However, continuing to invest in such a relationship only leads to losing more — of your time, mental peace and sense of self. While the past can’t be changed, your future can still be protected. Remember, true love will never require you to lose yourself.
2. Your Partner Holds The Power In Your Relationship
When one person in a relationship is significantly more invested than the other, it creates a power imbalance. In fact, researchers found that higher levels of love addiction are associated with experiencing lower levels of power in one’s relationship.
When you’re addicted to love, the fear of losing it can be overwhelming. This emotional dependence profoundly affects your ability to influence the direction of the relationship. You may start compromising not just on the small things, but on core values, all in the hope of keeping the peace or avoiding abandonment. You may compromise your own boundaries, silence your needs and tolerate behavior you’d otherwise never accept.
When you feel powerless, it’s also harder to call out manipulation or stand your ground. Instead, you might tell yourself it’s not a big deal, or that you’re being too sensitive. But over time, this power gap can make it easier for a controlling partner to twist reality and overpower your sense of self.
Researchers highlight how “low-power” partners tend to avoid conflict out of fear it will lead to rejection, sacrifice personal needs to maintain harmony, accept unfair terms in the relationship and stay silent in the face of manipulation.
Over time, this weakens their sense of autonomy. The more you give up your power, the harder it becomes to speak up, set boundaries or leave — all of which makes gaslighting more likely to go unchecked.
Many people who are addicted to love also carry a deep fear that love is scarce or conditional. Especially when they’ve experienced inconsistent caregiving, abandonment or neglect, they may internalize the belief that love is fragile, fleeting or that they’re somehow unworthy of it.
As a result, they may rush into relationships too quickly, or stay in ones that are clearly damaging — believing that if they let go, they may never find love again. This makes them more likely to stay in unstable, low-quality relationships, normalize mistreatment and downplay harm as something all relationships go through.
Additionally, when your actions (staying) and your values (wanting to be treated well) conflict, your mind works overtime to make the discomfort go away — often by rationalizing the psychological abuse rather than confronting it. You stay, invest more and hope harder, all while losing more of yourself in the process.
However, awareness and external support can help break this cycle. Research shows that people with access to emotional and social support are more likely to recognize when something is wrong and take steps to protect themselves. That’s why reaching out — to friends, a therapist or a support group — can be so powerful. The more you feel supported, the easier it becomes to reclaim your sense of power and begin making choices that protect your well-being.
It’s also essential to challenge any unhealthy beliefs about love. Love doesn’t have to hurt to be real and your suffering doesn’t prove your devotion. You deserve to express your needs without guilt and you are not more lovable because of how much you give or how much you tolerate.
Does a fear of losing out on love keep you in unhealthy relationships? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Fear Of Being Single Scale