There are few things in life as frustrating as insomnia. Laying in bed, exhausted, but failing to fall asleep can make it feel as though your body is betraying you. Pair this struggle with the painstaking awareness that sleep is essential for your daily functioning, and sleep deprivation can quickly become maddening — or even torturous.
Yet those who face sleep deprivation may also hesitate to seek help for it. Whether it’s the fear of dependence on medication, the sheer expense or inaccessibility of healthcare or the simple belief that it’ll improve on its own, the battle against insomnia is one often fought alone — without help or insight. However, it doesn’t have to be this way; sleep is recognized as one of our most fundamental human needs, and no person on Earth should have to go without it.
If you’re facing insomnia, but lack the support needed to overcome it, here’s two things that may help you find the rest that you need — according to research.
1. Resist The Urge To ‘Force’ Sleep
Besides obvious medical causes, there are various factors that can lead to struggles with sleep onset. It could be dietary, such as too much caffeine or alcohol, or it could be environmental, like distracting noises or an uncomfortable bed. In some cases, it could just be a stressful day — and in others, it could simply be the fact that your body just isn’t ready to fall asleep yet.
No matter the cause, our most intuitive instinct when faced with restlessness is often to “will” ourselves to sleep: to lay in bed, close our eyes and pray that sleep will come. However, according to a 2023 study from the Journal of Sleep Research, this is exactly what you shouldn’t do when struggling to fall asleep.
Much like nearly all of our bodily functions, sleep is a physiological process — meaning, in other words, that it’s automatic. While we can certainly influence it, we cannot direct this process. Think of it in the same way you would breathing: you can focus on it and try to control it, but it can (and should) be enacted automatically. And often, the more you try to regulate it, the more difficult it becomes.
This is why one of the most easy, accessible and effective treatments for sleep onset difficulties is “stimulus control.” According to the 2023 study, this process serves to reinforce the association you have between your sleeping and your resting place — or, rather, your bed.
Your bed is made for sleeping. Thus, laying in it for hours on end without sleeping can make it much harder to successfully associate it as a place intended for rest. As such, sleep therapists recommend a simple six-step routine for reinstating this association:
- Only lay down in your bed, with the intention to go to sleep, when you are tired.
- Try your very best to not use your bed for anything other than sleep (with sex, of course, being the one exception to this.) This means no eating, reading, watching TV, scrolling on your phone or even worrying while you’re in bed.
- As soon as you find yourself struggling to fall asleep in your bed, get up immediately and go to another room. Stay up as long as you want, most preferably, doing something relaxing and not overstimulating — like reading, listening to a podcast or working on a puzzle. Then, you can return once you feel that you’re ready to sleep. Remember that the main goal is to associate your bed with falling asleep quickly. If you’re in bed for longer than 10 minutes without falling asleep, then you need to get up and leave the room.
- If you still can’t fall asleep, repeat step three as often as needed throughout the night.
- Set your alarm for the same time each and every morning, regardless of how much sleep you get. This will enforce your body to slowly acquire a more consistent sleep rhythm.
- Avoid napping during the daytime.
While this process might seem tedious, various peer-reviewed research studies suggest it to be highly effective in the treatment of sleep onset disorders.
As frustrating as sleep deprivation can be, you must trust your body to do what it was designed to do. The harder you fight to fall asleep in your bed without success, the more frustrated you will become. In turn, sleep will only become more difficult. Throughout the process, try to remind yourself that you will fall asleep eventually — once your mind and your body are both ready to do so.
2. Remember That Rest Without Sleep Still Counts
While stimulus control is proven to be effective, it can nevertheless take time to get the hang of it. In the early stages, you might find yourself getting in and out of bed a few times in a night before managing to fall asleep. In other words, you might have to lose some sleep before you get some.
This, of course, will be frustrating. Before seeing improvements, you might feel that the entire process is counterintuitive or a waste of time and effort. But, again, holding onto this frustration may only lengthen the process.
On days and nights like these — where sleep feels impossible, and exhaustion sets in — there’s one gentle reminder that may help: rest, even without sleep, is still invaluable.
While sleep is undeniably crucial, sleep therapists implore us to remember that simply resting — whether through meditation, deep breathing or even just lying down with your eyes closed — can still provide significant benefits.
A 2024 study from Scientific Reports on Yoga Nidra, for example, demonstrated that this deeply relaxed state can mimic some of the restorative effects of sleep — specifically, by calming the nervous system and reducing stress. In other words, even if you aren’t sleeping, there are other ways to allow your body and mind to recover.
The key is to shift your mindset. Instead of viewing wakefulness as a failure, try to reframe it as an opportunity for rest. If you find yourself lying in bed unable to sleep and need to leave your bedroom (as outlined in step three of stimulus control), you can use this time to focus on relaxing your muscles, slowing your breath or even engaging in a mindfulness exercise.
While sufferers of insomnia may be fed up with hearing suggestions like meditation, mindfulness and yoga, there’s a reason that they’re so often recommended: there’s ample research that lends support to their effectiveness. They have undeniable success in lowering cortisol levels and easing frustration — and, more importantly, they make it easier to drift into sleep naturally when your body is ready.
If they haven’t worked for you yet, don’t give up. You might just need a little more instruction — like classes or YouTube videos — on the finer details of these practices.
Insomnia can be infuriating; it can feel like there’s no way around it. But beating yourself up over it won’t make sleep come any faster. Instead of treating each sleepless night as a fight you need to win, try to meet it with patience. Some nights will be easier than others, and some will still be rough. But by giving yourself permission to rest, even when sleep doesn’t come, you’re making space for your body to do what it needs to do — on its own time.
Has restlessness become part of your nightly routine? Take this science-backed test, and find out if you could benefit from professional help: Insomnia Severity Index
