Many people can’t handle the idea of separating and living away from their spouses at all, even for a few weeks or months. But, there are others who are so convinced that their partner is the one, that they’re willing to go the extra mile and do anything to make things work. They may find it difficult, perhaps just as much as anyone else, but they refuse to give up.
Of course, such relationships raise valid questions. Do they not get lonely? How do they manage to make it work? How sustainable is it in the long run?
It’s true that a long-distance marriage can be challenging for multiple reasons. Distance can cause emotional and physical strain during illness or parenting emergencies. It can also get costly to manage two households at the same time; not to mention how vulnerable such couples can be to loneliness or mistrust.
But despite the challenges, it is possible to make these marriages work. Couples who have to stay apart, for instance, due to career-related opportunities, often share the vision of reuniting and can deeply nurture their relationships in spite of the distance.
Here are three common myths about being in long-distance marriages that don’t hold true for many such couples.
1. You’re Always Lonely
The most common myth about a long-distance marriage is that you are always lonely. While a certain degree of loneliness is to be expected, it’s not always the case.
Even for couples who aren’t in such relationships, it’s possible to be together and still feel lonely if they don’t communicate well or don’t understand how to resolve conflicts effectively.
Moreover, it’s important to create a fulfilling life outside of your marriage. You need to cultivate hobbies, nourish your friendships and have a sense of purpose even when you’re spending time away from your partner.
Research shows that men are more likely to struggle without their partners than women, and also tend to experience more social loneliness than women do.
In contrast, women tend to be better at maintaining relationships outside of their romantic ones, which is part of why they’re able to better sustain themselves even when they’re either living away from their partners, separated or divorced. This highlights the importance of self-reliance and strong support systems in maintaining personal well-being.
In fact, long-distance couples manage to maintain a healthier lifestyle, despite facing higher levels of stress due to long-distance. A 2015 study published in The Family Journal found that people in long-distance relationships often have healthier habits, because they eat healthier and exercise more often, both with and without their partner.
They even report better well-being because they feel more satisfied with their roles in life, like work or family, and experience less anxiety, depression and fatigue than couples who live in proximity.
Some plausible reasons for this could be that they have more time for themselves and feel more motivated to stay fit due to less frequent in-person contact. They may even benefit from both the emotional support of a relationship and the independence of living apart.
These experiences serve as a reminder of the importance of being able to de-center your partner and continue to live fully as individuals. Once you’re able to work on and attain emotional independence, you might find it easier to sustain your love for your partner while also maintaining a fulfilling life, even when they’re not physically around.
2. You’re More Likely To Cheat
Couples in proximity have certain advantages, since they are able to experience more physical contact, engage in more sexual activity and tend to face lower overall stress. But is a lack of physical intimacy a strong indicator that someone might cheat in a long-distance marriage? Not necessarily.
Sometimes, we assume that trust is an issue unique to long-distance relationships, but it is just as important in relationships where couples live close together. There are several instances where people cheat even when they live together, which is why the most important thing for any couple is to have shared goals, strong commitment and mutual trust.
A 2012 study published in Family Process compared long-distance couples with close-proximity ones, in terms of how happy, committed and stable the couples were and found that the former rated their relationships better in many ways. They felt more love, had more fun and communicated better than those who lived close to their partners.
They even felt more dedicated and less trapped in their relationship, perhaps due to their ability to spend time away, which may be a struggle for couples who live together and constantly spend time together.
Although both types of couples have the same likelihood of breaking up over time, long-distance couples tend to be more optimistic about their future. They believe they are more likely to get married, possibly because of their shared sense of struggle. After all, what is the point of such hardship if they cannot even spend time together?
People in long-distance marriages agree to stay together despite the challenges. They enter the partnership knowing what it takes to make it work. They may already be more serious and committed before choosing to stay in the relationship, so the way they make things work might involve more appreciation and effort.
While physical proximity is not always tied to infidelity, it may create conditions that test boundaries. This is why emotional security and communication between partners is essential.
3. You Only Share Special Moments When You’re Together
Research shows that the early years of marriage often require strong interpersonal negotiation and adjustment.
Couples who enter marriage despite knowing the possibility of being apart for long periods of time do so because they feel that they are compatible, share mutual understanding and a similar vision for their future. Many also believe that their partner is their destined soulmate, which reinforces their long-term commitment.
So, why wouldn’t they romanticize their time together? To them, every meeting feels like a celebration, every conversation is intentional, every touch is special.
Many long-distance couples can create magical moments even on a daily basis. For instance, by dressing up for date nights on video calls or sending handwritten letters, surprise gifts or care packages. Little acts of love like these can reaffirm a couple’s decision to spend their lives together.
Long-distance marriages can be extremely rewarding, if done right. Couples who make it work understand that the time apart is a small price to pay for the joy of sharing their lives.
Are you truly happy in your long-distance marriage? Take this research-backed test to find out: Marital Satisfaction Scale
