“I’m 23 and everyday just feels like I’m suffocating. My mind is going off non-stop and I just wish I could escape. I have a decent job and livable income, no debt, but I can’t be happy about any of it,” shares a Reddit user.
This sentiment is shared by many struggling to achieve success in this world, while navigating the complex emotions that arise in the process.
“I’m so obsessed with wanting to be wealthier and make something bigger out of myself. I can’t even enjoy any of my creative hobbies or passions because I’m so focused on succeeding in them,” the user adds.
Achievement stress is the overwhelming pressure to succeed, which can overshadow personal satisfaction and happiness. When individuals become consumed by their desire for greater accomplishment and recognition, it can lead to a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction and mental exhaustion.
While the drive to achieve and make a meaningful impact can be personally fulfilling, it is crucial not to overextend oneself in the pursuit of success.
Here are three ways to regain control over your life and redefine what success means to you:
1. Understand Why You Need To Succeed So Badly
A 2015 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies suggests that while career success can enhance happiness, it does not guarantee high life satisfaction. Achieving a goal might provide temporary satisfaction, but it often does not lead to lasting fulfillment.
“I just need to try harder and be better,” people tell themselves. “If I can become the best, then maybe I will feel fulfilled,” they reason. Unfortunately, such unrealistic expectations only lead to even more ambitious goals and greater pressure to achieve them.
More often than not, there is a deeper reason behind the burning desire for success. Whether one believes that success will provide the validation they crave, or makes them feel important, these beliefs are often misplaced.
For instance, one Reddit user writes, “I’m starting to realize that I’m always hard on myself, but being kind to myself won’t fill the void of belonging and importance that I never received from others growing up. I just want to feel like I matter and that I’m wanted.”
Here are three insightful questions to test your beliefs about your need for success:
- What do I lack right now that achieving this goal will provide me? Is it recognition that I am capable, validation that I am worthy or a sense of value I am looking for? Am I attaching my self-worth to the outcomes of my goals?
- Can I fulfill the needs I hope to satisfy through achieving this goal? How else can I find recognition, validation and a sense of value in my life?
- How have past achievements influenced my sense of self-worth and fulfillment? Did achieving my previous goals bring lasting satisfaction, or did I quickly move on to the next target without feeling fulfilled? What underlying needs or past experiences might be driving my desire for success and recognition?
2. Untangle Your Self-Worth From Achievement
Research suggests that when people tie their self-worth to achievements, it can lead to long-term mental and physical health consequences.
Whether you are an executive, manager or CEO, you may believe that reaching the next goal—be it a promotion, a successful project, landing a key client or hitting a revenue target—will bring you the fulfillment you seek. However, this mindset can lead to a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction and mounting pressure.
Regardless of your position or responsibilities, it’s crucial to understand that your job does not define you. You are more than your role in an organization and your value extends beyond your professional achievements.
A business failure does not equate to personal failure; it is merely a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Recognizing this distinction helps maintain self-esteem and individual well-being, irrespective of professional ups and downs.
3. Embrace a Growth Mindset And Redefine Success
The most common mistake people with achievement stress make is comparing themselves to others who are “ahead” of them. Each person is unique, starting their journey at different points in their lives, with varying skills and resources. Comparing yourself to others who may have had a head start can create feelings of inadequacy.
Instead, focus on your own progress. Compare yourself only to your past self and celebrate how far you’ve come. Prioritize personal growth over external achievements. Remember, who you become as a person is more important than what you achieve.
Additionally, adopt a growth mindset—know that your abilities can improve through dedication and hard work. This perspective allows you to concentrate on your personal development rather than measuring your value by the outcomes of your endeavors.
A 2019 study suggests that overachieving students who had an internal locus of control—meaning they believed they could control their success through their actions—were more successful than those who did not. So, having faith in yourself is essential.
Lastly, define what success means to you personally and identify whether your motive behind achieving success is extrinsic (recognition and status, financial rewards and social approval) or intrinsic (creating value, passion, autonomy, contributing in a meaningful way, growing as a person and learning new things).
Focusing on intrinsic rewards will help you find a deeper sense of satisfaction that goes beyond temporary accolades or material gains. Remember that success is a personal journey and when you prioritize your well-being, true fulfillment follows.
Is achievement stress getting in the way of your self-care? Take this test to receive a science-backed answer: Self-Care Inventory
