The 2025 Netflix movie The Life List may be on to something. In one pivotal scene, the protagonist, Alex (played by Sofia Carson), hears a piece of advice from a friend — that she’ll know a guy is right for her if she can say yes to four key questions.
They’re deceptively simple, but surprisingly revealing. If you find yourself answering no to more than one, it might be time to reflect, either on the relationship itself, or whether you’re with the right person.
What makes these questions powerful is that they’re less about your partner, and more about you. They encourage you to pause, check in with yourself and consider if the life you’re building truly aligns with who you are.
You begin to uncover whether your choices are rooted in fear or love, and whether your day-to-day life reflects your deeper values — not just your goals or résumé.
Here are four questions based on the movie that can offer a fresh lens through which to gauge if your relationship is right for you.
1. Can You Share Everything On Your Mind?
Experiencing true emotional safety in a relationship often starts with the freedom to share your thoughts, fears, desires and quirks, without the fear of being judged. If you often find yourself filtering your words in a relationship, pause and ask: What am I afraid of?
When emotional safety is present, you can be more specific. You’re more likely to be able to name your feelings, explain where they’re coming from and express what you need. This kind of openness deepens intimacy, but only when it’s met with care and understanding.
A 2017 study published in Cognition and Emotion found that people are more likely to express both positive emotions, like happiness, and negative ones, like sadness, anger or anxiety, when they believe their partner genuinely cares for them and will be responsive to their needs. This is a quality known as “communal strength.”
So, trust builds when you know you can be vulnerable and your feelings will be heard, validated and supported.
As a result, a positive cycle unfolds: the more you express your emotions, the more your partner responds with empathy and kindness. This helps you build a deeper trust and connection. A relationship with this kind of supportive emotional environment gives you the opportunity to be loved as you are, and is a great sign that you’re dating the right person.
2. Are They Kind?
How does your partner treat those around them: the waiter at the restaurant, the cab driver and perhaps even your friends? Are they genuinely kind to them? And most importantly, are they kind to you?
At the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural for people to put their best foot forward. But as comfort sets in, their true character will shine through, showing you who they are on a daily basis. That’s when you start to notice the small things, like the way they speak when they’re frustrated, how they act when no one’s watching or how they handle disagreement.
A 2015 study on marital conflict published in Evolutionary Psychology suggests that kindness is essential in any relationship dynamic. Even in arguments, couples who continue to show each other kindness and cooperation are more likely to work things out. Kindness softens the blow and makes room for repair.
So, ask yourself: Does their kindness show up even when it’s inconvenient? Are they easily defensive and quick to anger? Pay attention to how they treat others even when they aren’t in the best mood or when they’ve made a mistake. These subtle moments are an indication of their true character and their capacity to be the kind of partner you deserve.
3. Do They Bring Out The Best In You?
Relationships are meant to add value to your life, not take away from it. Perhaps you’re the kind of person who lights up a room. You laugh freely, make others laugh and help people feel at ease around you. However, imagine that around your partner, you start to shrink. You catch yourself biting your tongue. You start to feel like you’re “too loud,” or “too much.” So little by little, you dim your light.
Or maybe you used to paint, dance, write or express yourself through fashion until their “helpful” critiques (“That’s… interesting” or “You’re really going to wear that?”) slowly made you put the brush down, hang up the dance shoes, close the notebook and dress completely differently.
If you’re constantly dimming your spark to keep them comfortable, they’re not the one. This is where the “Michelangelo Effect” comes in. Just as the famous sculptor saw a masterpiece within the marble, the right partner sees and helps uncover the best version of you. They don’t silence your laughter or sideline your passions; they celebrate them.
So, ask yourself: Who do I become when I’m with them? When you feel completely supported in being your authentic self, and deeply loved and cherished for the same, you’re very likely with the right person.
4. Can You Imagine Them As A Parent To Your Children?
Even if having children isn’t in your plan, the question “Would they make a good parent?” still carries emotional weight.
This is a shortcut to deeper questions about character and compatibility — Can I trust them? Do I respect them? Do they have the patience, empathy and a sense of responsibility that go beyond being fun or charming?
Imagining someone in a parental role invites us to consider whether they’re capable of nurturing something beyond themselves, whether that’s a family or even just a life built together.
A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science found that women rated men as more romantically desirable when they expressed a desire to have children in the future. But this finding isn’t just rooted in biology. It points to something more emotional — the appeal of someone who signals long-term potential, emotional maturity and a willingness to invest in others.
So when this question comes up, think of it less as a parenting test and more as a window into how deeply you value security, alignment and emotional partnership.
That’s the real beauty of these four questions. They don’t just help you figure out if they’re the one. They help you figure out if you are becoming the person you want to be in love, and in life.
Are you truly happy with your partner? Take this science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.
