Coaching has become an integral component of organizational development, offering numerous benefits that enhance both individual and team performance. A 2024 report from the International Coaching Federation (ICF) highlights that 87% of surveyed organizations believe executive coaching delivers a high return on investment (ROI). Yet two thirds of business’ top leaders don’t receive outside guidance – even when a Stanford University survey shows that 43% of leaders would be “very receptive” to coaching. What about on teams where people aren’t open to coaching? Have you ever encountered someone – usually a high achiever – whose toxic personality is torpedoing the team….but they won’t listen to reason, let alone coaching? Perhaps you’ve wondered if someone would just talk to that person – especially if that person is an executive, founder or board member. How can leaders create change around behaviors, without resorting to old school “command and control” solutions – or just firing people? Here are five leadership strategies to coach even the most uncoachable employees.
Coaching the Uncoachable: What Makes People So Difficult?
Why do the Kansas City Chiefs have 53 players and 29 coaches (a coach to player ratio of less than 2:1)? Well, 53 players is the football roster rule in the NFL. But the reason they have so many coaches is even simpler: they want to win. Just like the staff at your organization, Andy Reid’s players know that two heads are better than one – and things get easier when you have a second set of professional eyes and ears focused on your success. These elite athletes – millionaires at the top of their game – rely on coaches to get even better. So why wouldn’t your organization feel the same way? Perhaps Ryan Holliday said it best, in the title of his best-selling book: The Ego is the Enemy. Former Google lead engineer and general genius, Tom Chi, says in his TEDx talk that “Knowing is the enemy of learning.” If people are busy being experts on what they already know, they can appear uncoachable, and limit their career possibilities. As the saying goes, “The mind is like a parachute. It works best when it is open.” But how can you be open to something you may not understand?
Oftentimes, coaches struggle to set up parameters for the coaching conversation so that the workplace (and individual) benefits are clearly defined. Without that level of explanation at the outset, coaching looks like another word for “management”. It’s a one-sided conversation, or just a different way of telling people what you want them to do. If not properly presented, coaching can look like a punishment, or a performance plan. Or perhaps coaching can feel like a deep dive into “grit” (see “burnout”, coming up later) and measurement. Except that no one needs or wants longer hours or another person to report to. Hesitation around coaching is natural if it’s not clear how it works.
Step 1 in Coaching: Establishing Openness
Awareness is critical in the coaching conversation. In conversation with my clients, I like to explore where their experience is coming from – and what they are seeing as a challenge. Appreciative inquiry – the ability to ask questions inside a context of respect and non-judgement – is the key. If you are finding that team members are not open or receptive, it’s probably because (when the coach is also their manager) real honesty might violate policy. Let’s face it: there are certain things that an employee can’t or won’t share with a supervisor. Especially if the supervisor is the problem. When your coach can fire you, how likely is it that you would say what’s really on your mind? Setting up the parameters for the coaching conversation is critical – especially addressing what the conversation will and won’t cover. What are the mutual goals and objectives that need to be discussed? That conversation must be based on mutual input, if true openness is going to exist. Otherwise, it’s “just do as you’re told” – not coaching.
Step 2 in Coaching: The Importance of Permission
Without awareness, problems and challenges are unseen. Invisible. Unspoken. Have you experienced friction, when people seem oblivious to relationships, disrespectful to team members and unable to read the room? Permission can open up the conversation. With permission, the person being coached feels a sense of greater agency: they are choosing to proceed with topics and expressing their interests. That perspective (of mutual interest) is vital in a coaching relationship.
Step 3 in Coaching: Finding Agreement
Mutual agreement is what separates coaching from traditional management. In coaching, the agenda and objectives are developed in a partnership, co-creating the results that would be most beneficial. In a management relationship, there are expectations – not agreements. If coaching is going to work, it’s got to be based on mutual agreement. How are you coaching your team to create (and honor) agreements?
Step 4 in Coaching: Discovering Possibilities
Oftentimes, work is a process where procedures are discussed, and operational performance is measured. It’s been said that “doing things right” is a way to define management. Exploring new possibilities, accessing innovation and soft-skills growth is the emphasis in coaching. When the performance gap isn’t a knowledge gap, coaching can help identify the real blockage. And help the team member to get out of his or her own way. If you need someone to adjust procedures, that’s a management conversation. But if you’d like people to show up differently, reject toxic behaviors, eliminate procrastination, be innovative and exhibit greater motivation: put on the coaching hat.
Step 5 in Coaching: Building Accountability
Things get easier when you have someone in your corner, supporting your success. The antithesis of support is pressure and expectation. Notice that burnout is born out of pressure and expectation, robbing team members of their power and impact. Creating a space for honest feedback in the context of accountability can help with burnout, as a way to drive greater employee engagement. Especially when you introduce a third-party perspective into the mix. Why? Because objectivity – and the ability to listen without judgement – is often what people need most of all. Objective accountability, developed in a conversation that doesn’t just happen inside your own head, but with another professional, is the answer. In a coaching setting, vulnerability becomes strength. Accountability partnerships can unite people from different offices, building relationships and improving engagement. A third-party coach offers a different perspective, and a different agenda, for professional growth – and owning your own outcomes.
To be sure, coaching is not therapy. It’s not a solution for every situation, or every conversation. If it seems like coaching is coddling, think again. Radical honesty can be a powerful motivator, when permission is granted and objectives are agreed upon. For organizations looking to drive greater engagement, and retention, coaching is a great way to put people and process together.
