Have you ever been on a date where everything seemed fine, until they did that one thing? Maybe they had odd, unbecoming mannerisms, used cringeworthy slang words or chose an outfit for the date that inexplicably revolted you.
That visceral reaction, known as “the ick,” is an all-too-familiar experience for many daters. It’s sudden, involuntary and often impossible to shake. And now, a 2025 study from Personality and Individual Differences confirms three key psychological factors that contribute to the ick.
Here’s what the researchers found—and what they think “the ick” really means.
What Exactly Is ‘The Ick’?
The term “the ick” has gained significant traction on social media—particularly among younger generations who use it to describe a sudden and irrational feeling of repulsion toward a romantic interest.
While it might seem like a modern dating phenomenon, the lead authors of the study—Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders and Chloe Yin—suggest that the ick likely has much deeper evolutionary roots.
As the authors explained in an interview, “‘The ick’ stemmed from the evolution of disgust as a protective mechanism.” They continued, clarifying, “First it was against disease, and then it was in mate selection to help individuals avoid undesirable traits. This aversion was always present, the only difference is that this generation gave it a name.”
Millions of years ago, cavemen and women likely got the ick if their potential mate displayed a lack of survival skills, poor parental potential, physical deformities, poor hygiene or illness. Since disease, weakness or danger could wipe out entire groups during early civilization, it was essential to weed these characteristics out. As such, they likely avoided procreating with anyone remotely “icky.”
Today, however, the ick looks much different—hilariously so. Yet, at their core, each ick represents a “weakness” of sorts; in a way, they’re modernly analogous to what our ancestors likely considered unbecoming for a potential mate.
According to the researchers’ analyses of viral TikToks—in which users described their icks—there were several categories. These included, but were not limited to:
- Gender incongruence. 40% of women and 13% of men were turned off by people who displayed behavior that were out of character for their gender. For instance, one man cited, “When she spits her gum in the trash like a guy,” while one woman cited, “When he laid his head on my shoulder.”
- Public embarrassment. 28% of women and 21% of men were turned off by people who publicly embarrassed themselves. One man described being off-put by “Girls tripping,” while one woman described being repulsed by a man “Shazam-ing a song while he was in a nightclub.”
- Being too trendy. 29% of men and 9% of women disliked when potential partners tried too hard to engage in modern trends. For instance, women disliked men who were “Trying too hard to fit in,” whereas men disliked women who were “Into astrology.”
- Physical appearance. 15% of men and 6% of women cited random issues with the others’ physical appearance as being an ick. For instance, one woman described being repulsed upon “Seeing their buttcrack when bending over,” while one man described being turned off by the fact that “Her feet didn’t reach the floor” when she sat down.
Overall, the ick takes on many different forms. But, simply, it reflects a perceived minor character flaw that becomes impossible to unsee once noticed.
Researchers also found that women (75%) were far more likely to experience the ick than men (57%). Reflecting on this, the researchers explained this is likely a combination of social and biological factors: “From a biological standpoint, women may experience it more because of parental investment.”
She continued, “However, social media is like a loudspeaker that amplifies to create normalization. It may be an internalized mate selection behavior that becomes validated through social reinforcement.”
Beyond gender and evolution, however, the question still remains: Why do some people experience the ick so much more than others? According to the study, three key psychological traits play a significant role:
1. Disgust Sensitivity
Disgust sensitivity refers to how strongly an individual reacts to things they find repellent—whether it’s bad hygiene, odd mannerisms or certain social behaviors. Researchers found that greater disgust sensitivity was associated with both the likelihood and frequency of experiencing the ick.
So, people who have a heightened aversion to minor cues are more likely to reject a romantic partner over things that may seem trivial. Since disgust evolved as a protective mechanism, this suggests that some people’s rejection thresholds are hardwired to be especially high—which, naturally, can make dating a lot more difficult.
2. Narcissism
Narcissism, in the context of this study, doesn’t necessarily mean full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, but rather a tendency toward self-importance, entitlement and the need for admiration.
The study found that narcissism correlated with the likelihood—but not frequency—of experiencing the ick. This means that narcissistic individuals may not get the ick often—but when they do, it’s more likely to be because their partner doesn’t align with their idealized self-image.
Since those with narcissistic tendencies often seek partners who elevate their own social status, any perceived imperfection—no matter how small—could be grounds for rejection.
3. Perfectionism
Unlike narcissism, perfectionism was associated with both the likelihood and frequency of experiencing the ick. This suggests that individuals with overly rigid, high standards for partners tend to experience the ick more often—and more intensely.
Perfectionists too have an idealized vision of what a relationship should look like, and any deviation from that vision—whether it’s a partner’s fashion choices, social awkwardness or minor quirks—could potentially be a dealbreaker.
While high standards can have their advantages, excessive perfectionism makes it harder to maintain relationships in the long-term. As the researchers explain, “There is an indication that ‘the ick’ is less about genuine incompatibility, and more about unrealistic expectations and deviation of an ideal partner.”
What ‘The Ick’ Really Means
The ick, at its core, is both a social and psychological phenomenon. It can be an immediate gut reaction rooted in evolutionary instincts, but it can also be a cognitive bias that leads to self-sabotaging dating habits.
The key here is context. If you’ve been experiencing the ick frequently and with different partners, it might not be a sign that everyone you’re dating is unsuitable. In reality, it likely reflects an internal pattern that’s worth reflecting on.
Having standards in dating is important, but overly rigid ones can make it impossible to find a partner that fits your idea of “compatible.” That small, cringeworthy habit you’re hyper-focusing on might not actually mean that your partner is hopeless—it means they’re human, just like you.
We know well that nobody on earth is truly perfect, but our standards assume otherwise. Worse, social media legitimizes these unattainable criteria by validating minor turn-offs as dealbreakers. In the real world, however, you can’t have a loving relationship without learning to accept imperfections; searching for someone flawless will leave you empty-handed.
In the end, experiencing the ick is more of a neutral event than it is an inherently good or bad one—it just depends on how you interpret it. If it’s preventing you from forming a long-lasting relationship, however, it might be time to examine whether perfectionism or unrealistic expectations are getting in the way.
That said, if the ick is persistent with a particular person, then that might be worth paying attention to. Attraction isn’t always a clean balance between logic and lust; it also encompasses instincts and biology.
Thanks to evolution, your mind and body have evolved to detect subtle signs of compatibility—and if something about your partner is consistently off-putting, it may be your subconscious telling you that they’re not the right fit.
Does your current partner give you “the ick”? Take this science-backed test, and find out if it’s reflective of something deeper: Relationship Satisfaction Scale
