It’s a moment that nearly every new mother knows all too well. You shut your eyes for what feels like a brief moment until a slight whimper or perhaps even a wail wakes you up panicked and guilty. It’s only a matter of time until sleep becomes a distant dream.
When my son was born with a reverse sleep cycle, it felt like a daily ritual: Sleep. Feel shame. Repeat.
Women don’t have to be mothers to relate to this feeling though. Throughout our entire lives, we’re made to feel guilty for needing rest. I’ve experienced it at nearly every juncture of my life: from being chided for sleeping through alarms after long nights in chemistry labs and navigating the late-night expectations of corporate citizenry, to visiting family in Jamaica, where sleep is steeped in perceptions of laziness and lack of discipline.
The guilt seems to echo the societal whisper that rest is a luxury, not a necessity. And while the idea of “guilt eating away at you” might be dismissed as an overused cliche, it takes on greater scientific accuracy when it causes women to forgo crucial sleep.
Shamed from puberty to pre-menopause and beyond
I didn’t always feel guilty for sleeping. Growing up, rest was revered in my household. My father, a minister, lauded sleep as a nightly sacred ritual that restored our physical and mental well-being. While my school friends often complained about their parents’ early wake-up calls, it was a foreign concept to me–no meal, meeting, or occasion was important enough for my father to break my sleep cycle (and thus, my spirit).
However, as centuries of psychological research have proven, societal expectations can tamper with even the most deeply ingrained beliefs. As Tricia Hersey wrote in her book Rest is Resistance, “Rest is radical because it disrupts the lie we are not doing enough.” It’s a lie that women are conditioned to believe time and time again.
Research shows that by as early as age six, young girls begin absorbing gender stereotypes that shape how they understand their role in the world. By age 10, girls have internalized most of those stereotypes, including “coming to view caring [for others] as women’s work.”
As young girls grow into women, the constant reminder to put others’ needs above their own has an impact on everything from their careers to their quality of life. The expectation placed upon women is reinforced (especially for Black and Hispanic girls and women) within and outside of the home, from sustaining friendships and supporting their siblings to mentoring coworkers and raising their own children. It’s no wonder that 81% of married women feel selfish for setting aside time for their self-care– which can range from something as luxurious as a spa day to something as simple as a 15-minute nap.
The relentless, stifling pressure to fulfill these expectations not only challenges women’s sense of self but also sets the stage for a lifetime of compromised health. In a world where women constantly feel low on time, rest and sleep often become the first sacrifice.
Just look at the data: Women are nearly twice as likely (31%) as men (17%) to rarely or never feel well-rested, and report sleep deprivation more frequently. Together, these stats pose a major risk to women’s health.
Sleepless nights can have deadly consequences
On a foundational level, women face enormous barriers to getting a good night’s rest at every stage of life–even without a hefty dose of guilt:
- Puberty: Fluctuating progesterone and estrogen levels impact young girls’ circadian rhythm, disrupting typical sleep cycles and behaviors. Side effects like cramping, headaches, and bloating regularly impact sleep quality.
- Pregnancy and postpartum: Throughout pregnancy, women are at greater risk for obstructive sleep apnea and incontinence, both of which greatly impact sleep quality and duration. After giving birth, a sudden change in hormones, coupled with mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, can increase daytime sleepiness. In fact, a 2023 study revealed that a staggering 67.8% of women grapple with poor sleep quality during the first six months after giving birth.
- Menopause: During menopause, more than four in five women experience hot flashes and night sweats, which contribute to sleep disturbances and insomnia.
As a result of these factors, less than two-thirds of women achieve the CDC-recommended seven to nine hours of sleep each night. When women don’t get the sleep they need, it doesn’t just manifest in glazed eyes and grogginess–it has real, long-lasting effects on their health and well-being.
Decades of clinical research prove that sleep is the foundation of health. In fact, insufficient sleep can lead to or exacerbate a broad range of chronic conditions, from obesity and diabetes to depression and cardiovascular disease. Alarmingly, people who face difficulty falling asleep or experience frequent sleep disruptions are at higher risk of early mortality.
To put that in context: That’s 61% of women. When we allow and enable guilt to fester, it’s not just sleep that women are being asked to sacrifice–it’s potentially their lives. It’s time to reset this dangerous precedent.
Improving women’s health (and lives) starts by empowering sleep
In recent years we’ve witnessed a cultural awakening around our health. Nearly half of Americans now prioritize wellness, driving growth in health services and digital health markets.
We’re in an era ripe with potential for improving our quality of life and health outcomes. Yet, this potential can only be fully realized if we establish a strong foundation of good sleep, particularly for women.
Securing the foundation of good sleep for women requires more than individual effort; it requires a shift in societal attitudes and policies. It starts by:
- Dismantling centuries-old sleep-related guilt: With the encouragement of our partners and family members, we must reframe sleep as essential to caring for ourselves and others; not a form of neglect towards our responsibilities. That also means actively unlearning and relearning our beliefs.
- Elevating sleep as a public health concern: Every institution, from our lawmakers and employers to health care providers, must recognize sleep as the foundation of health and identify new policies and initiatives to improve women’s sleep.
- Expanding access to sleep support: Most importantly, we must ensure women of all backgrounds have access to the resources they need for improving their sleep–from educational materials to clinical care.
After spending our entire lives learning to care for others, it’s time women learn to be comfortable with caring for ourselves. Just as the world must learn to help us put ourselves first–starting with a good night’s rest.
Barbara Rhoden, Ph.D. is an accomplished health care leader with a 15+ year trajectory from bench chemist to driving growth for major healthcare enterprises, including Dupont, GE Healthcare, and Siemens Healthineers. Most recently, Barbara served as Primasun’s Chief Marketing Officer where she utilized her expertise in unveiling market trends and forging strong customer connections to elevate sleep solutions in public health.
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