Self-control can feel like an uphill battle. Whether it’s resisting the urge to eat that extra slice of cake when you’re uncomfortably full or holding back from sending a hasty text, the struggle to stay aligned with our long-term goals in moments of temptation is real. For instance, you might find yourself grabbing your phone first thing in the morning, despite knowing it disrupts your focus for the day.
This is why mastering your impulses isn’t just about willpower—if it was, it would have worked by now. It’s much more about focusing on your “why”—the values you want to honor and being patient and compassionate with yourself in the process. You can’t beat yourself into submission, but you can gradually mold yourself with love.
A 2024 study published in the journal Current Opinion in Psychology suggests that what sets individuals with self-control apart is their ability to make use of three types of strategies.
Here are the top three strategies to strengthen your self-control, according to the study.
1. Situational Strategies
Situational strategies involve choosing or altering your environment to support your self-control efforts. Instead of relying on internal resistance alone, you can modify your surroundings to reduce temptations or make healthier choices easier.
For instance, imagine Sarah, who wants to spend her time more meaningfully while working from home. She finds that working near the living room TV often leads to distractions—she might start with just one episode of a show, but it quickly turns into binge-watching, leaving her feeling frustrated with her lack of progress.
To counter this, Sarah creates a dedicated workspace in a quiet room away from the TV and other distractions. By changing her environment, she reduces the temptation to watch TV and sets herself up for greater focus and productivity.
This approach makes self-control less about constantly fighting against your impulses and more about designing your environment to work in your favor.
2. Attentional Strategies
Attentional strategies involve shifting focus from short-term temptations to long-term goals. When you direct your attention towards deeper desires, such as maintaining good health or financial security, you naturally weaken the allure of momentary pleasures.
For instance, Sarah, who also wants to focus on personal growth, feels the pull to relax in front of her TV after work, even though she knows she’d prefer to spend that time reading or working on a passion project.
An attentional strategy Sarah could use is to set up a designated reading nook in her living room, making it visually more appealing than her TV setup. When she enters the room, her attention is immediately drawn to the cozy chair and stack of books, reminding her of her long-term goal. This shift in focus helps her choose the activity that aligns with her values, rather than defaulting to the short-term comfort of watching TV.
A 2022 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality found that “ego alignment” is associated with higher levels of self-control and well-being. Ego alignment refers to the ability to follow what you “should” do in a situation rather than what you want to do based on impulse.
“Individuals who have high levels of ego-alignment are likely to live better and less conflicted lives. Everyone has an effective source of self-guidance within themselves. Before one acts, one should think about both behaviors that are likely to be effective in a situation as well as how courses of action are likely to be problematic,” says co-author of the study Michael Robinson, a psychologist at North Dakota State University.
So, attentional strategies don’t just distract you from temptations; they actively remind you of the life you’re striving to create, making it easier to take actions that support that vision.
3. Appraisal Strategies
Appraisal strategies involve changing how you interpret a tempting situation. For instance, Sarah can reframe her situation by thinking, “I’m the kind of person who values my time,” or “I’ll feel really accomplished and relaxed if I focus on finishing my work, rather than stressed that I didn’t.” These identity-based thoughts help her see other activities as more valuable in the long run, making it easier to resist the temptation to watch TV.
Appraisal strategies can also include “episodic future thinking,” which involves visualizing the future benefits of your actions. By imagining how you’ll feel later—whether it’s pride from making a healthy choice or relief from avoiding a bad one—you can increase the appeal of sticking to your long-term goals. This mental shift not only enhances self-control but also strengthens your sense of identity as someone who prioritizes their well-being.
When appraisal strategies aren’t enough, many people fall back on willpower. This is the effortful suppression of an action you want to take, such as forcing yourself to exercise even when you don’t feel like it.
“Willpower is fallible, difficult and unpleasant. It should be seen as something of a ‘last resort’ for regulating self-control,” suggest the researchers of the 2024 study.
Picture Sarah again, who might use willpower to force herself to stay at her desk, resisting the urge to turn on the TV. However, this can be draining and isn’t a sustainable way to maintain self-control over time. Instead, by regularly practicing the other three strategies, Sarah can make self-control feel more natural and less taxing.
Remember, a lack of self-control doesn’t make you weak. Struggling with impulses is a human experience, not a personal failure. Self-control is never meant to be about deprivation—it’s about the freedom to make your own choices and liberating yourself from patterns that hold you back, to create the life you deserve.
Self-control and patience often go hand in hand. Curious about your level of patience? Take this test to learn more: Patience Questionnaire
